The latest in corsetry deserves as much attention as the figure it pinches into submission . . .

Imagine the unexpected allure of soft flesh beneath these unforgiving plates. Oh splendid constriction! (Yours for only $29.50.)

Meanwhile, for less coverage but just as much organ squeezing, this fur-trimmed delight will have you swooning! Most literally. Make sure to keep your smelling salts at hand. (A steal at $22.49.)

Those daring enough to show their ankles will take note of this Parisian mademoiselle’s savoir faire. A modest heel combined with the innocence of garters tied at the knee will have your husband crying, “Oh la la!” and whisking you off to le boudoir! (Garters, $1.25 a piece.)

Our apologies, ladies! We didn’t mean to interrupt your . . . fitting.

For those interested in extreme posture modification and subsisting on tea and dry toast, may we recommend following the example of Mrs. Montgomery Burns? The severity of her restraint is rivaled only by the modest resignation of her expression and the delicate cotton-candy crown of her upswept hair. (The Burns Corset, $31.89. Quantities are limited, purchase yours at once!)

Each is available for $4.39 each, with the exception of La Belle Dame Sans Merci, which is no longer being manufactured due to a dispute with the John Keats estate, and is on sale for an unbeatable $3.59. Purchase yours as soon as you are able!

Let it be known that we will not be undersold! We offer the same vibrator and attachments as Sears & Roebuck do but for .50 cents less, each, because of the low overhead we carry. Brick-and-mortar establishments may soon go the way of the dodo bird, and their overpriced goods will find suitable outlet through our mercantile outlet on the World’s Wide Web!

This electrophorous device will give you hours of delight in a number of exciting ways! Foremost, it may function as a tickle-inducing breast-flattener; a nipple strengthener; a producer of buttock shocks for those hoping to expand their spanking repertoire; or . . . ? You are only limited by the poverty of your own imagination.

Note: this device is not intended for the purpose of cooking pancakes or meat.

For purchase at $24.98 in the Continental United States ONLY.

We have been waiting in breathless anticipation for the release of this device! The illustration should be self-explanatory for those adept at manipulating their nether anatomy, but for those who require an explanation we humbly beseech you to seek out the support of your local tobacconist.

For purchase at the price of $14.99.

The staff of M. Potain’s atelier have recently released an ingenious mechanism for the aspiration of noisome bodily fluids, but we have found a delightful off-label use for this device! Simply insert the needle-like appendage at right (a) through the stem of a common menstrual cup, lightly piercing the cup itself. Remove the needle appendage, insert the cup onto the fitted joint (b), and voilà! Hours of delightful nipple suction play will be yours!

For purchase at the price of $12.97. Vulcanized rubber menstrual cups are available for an additional $2.49.